


You Will Be Protected

by PikaPals16



Series: Six Queens Under One Roof [10]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, F/F, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Past Lives, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, am I projecting my depression onto anne?, but it still sucks, catcalling, kind of Boleyn-centric, mine's not as bad, they all need help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:47:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24749362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PikaPals16/pseuds/PikaPals16
Summary: Sometimes problems are too big to handle on your own. The queens know that first-hand.But Catherine hasn't dealt with anything as big as this before. She just knows she has to help.
Relationships: Anne Boleyn/Catherine of Aragon, Anne of Cleves/Jane Seymour, Katherine Howard/Catherine Parr
Series: Six Queens Under One Roof [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707313
Comments: 12
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I gladly accept any feedback or criticism you guys have for me, so please, fire away (I'm not that good at this welp).  
> also, the second part of the summary doesn't come into play until the last chapter,,,,,so yeah  
> *all chapters were pre-written before publication*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW's for the entire thing are in the tags
> 
> and also, i'm not that good at writing angst, soooo does this count?

Ever since the show opened at the Edinburgh Festival, it's been a huge hit. They love it. They really do. A lot has happened. Kat graduated from college, Catherine got a promotion, Anna got a turtle (to everyone's surprise) and much much more.

Yet this is just the positive stuff.

Truth is, the queens have also been bombarded with a sh*t ton of questions from reporters. Very....insensitive questions to say the least. Truth is, there were some haters that were to be expected. Haters that were very upfront about their opinions.

It had taken a toll on all the queens.

But not as much as the one you'd probably least expect. Seeing as she's the chaotic one.

~ ~ ~

_I can't deal with this sh*t anymore. The voices won't go away. I swear to god they got better. I was happy. I really was. And yet. This world just seems to hate me doesn't it?_

_I should've just stayed dead. The others would've been better off if I hadn't reincarnated. They've done so much for me, and what do I do in return?_

_Annoy them. Tease them. Push their buttons. Stuff they don't deserve. Because they deserve love. And I don't._

_They're right. I don't deserve them. I'm nothing but a burden to them. My queens. No. They're not mine. They never were. I just think they are. Kind of adds up to the whole 'you're a b*tch' thing huh?_

_Well, I guess it's settled. I mean, it's the only way right?_

_They'd be much happier without me._

* * *

_Dear Future me,_

_If you're reading this, it means you haven't succeeded. Well, that's fine. Unless one of your other queens gave this to you. Then it's bad._

_I don't believe this myself, (does that make me a hypocrite?) but I'm going to give you a bunch of encouragement. Not that you'll believe it. But at least if the first person who reads this isn't you, then they'll know I tried._

_Welp here goes._

> _You are beautiful. Listen up, Catalina knows it, the other queens know it, the ladies know it, heck, your fans know it. So, yeah. That's that._
> 
> ~~_There's no need to cry. Not the best thing to say to someone with depression. Ah, who am I kidding? It's one of the worst things to say, lemme just cross this out._ ~~
> 
> _It's not your fault. You tried right? You tried and tried to block out the voices, and they wouldn't shut up. This was the only way._
> 
> _Honestly, I can't think of any good things right now, it's so dark. But I'm sure that there's plenty more that the others see. Not that you'd be able to see that any better than I can._

_Let's be honest, that was a bust. I highly doubt that you'll be reading this, but it's fine. That only means that you've succeeded._

_And that I will too._

_Hoping you'll never read this,_

_Anne Boleyn_


	2. Chapter 2

Anne and Cath hadn't been particularly close. And once they had started to bond more, Anne found out what happened to Elizabeth. Yes, she had been one of England's most successful leaders, but her childhood ended up like sh*t.

Elizabeth had been sent to live with Cath and Thomas. Thomas had done monstrous things to the young child, which already made Anne furious. What had really set her off however was that Cath knew all this at the time, and hadn't done anything to stop it. Anne had been mad at Cath, putting an unwanted tension between the two; but the green queen more-so blamed herself for getting beheaded and not being there for her own daughter.

She did forgive the blue queen, they're good friends now, but not herself. How could she forgive herself for what she did? She'd done so many bad things. She even says it in the show. "The biggest sinner is obvs the winner". Except, she wasn't a winner. Just a sinner. 

A sinner that shouldn't be forgiven. Yet, she'd faced forgiveness. The other queens had forgiven her for her actions. _Catherine of Aragon_ had forgiven her for her past actions. Catherine. The one she had forced out of the throne. She's the one who shouldn't have forgiven her. Actually, none of them should have, but mostly Catherine.

In Anne's mind, Catherine always was the rightful queen. And always will be. 

Jane always was what Anne calls the best queen. In other words, the most praised.

Anna always was the badass queen. Nothing much had to be said about that.

Kat always was the queen who didn't deserve the sh*t she went through. There's a lack of a short name for it.

Cath always was the most intelligent queen. And frankly, she still is.

Each of these things define the queens. And what is Anne left with? The selfish queen. The worst queen. The bad queen. The queen who deserved it. The dumb queen. The temptress. The witch. The slut. The whore. The b*tch.

In other words, she didn't deserve to live. She doesn't deserve life. And she never will.

* * *

_My dear Cath,_

_I know we were never the best of friends like Anna and Kat are. But you're a really good friend. You really are. I know that you still feel guilty about what happened to Lizzie, but let me assure you, everything is fine. I have forgiven you for what you've done (or is it haven't done in this case?). Anyway, I just want you to forgive yourself. Because it is my fault. If I hadn't been such a bitch, I'd have still been alive and I would've been able to have taken care of Lizzie. It's not on you, it's me._

_Knowing you, you're going to be really confused. You're always so observant and usually quiet, it's kinda hard not to notice you making all these mental notes about us. Anyway, back to my main point, you're gonna be confused as to why you didn't see it. With the amount of time you spend watching us, you're gonna wonder why you haven't seen any signs. Well, let me assure you, you wouldn't have anyway. Because as an actress, it's important to practice your skills. And for me, it's being the hyper, life of the party, when the voices won't shut the fuck up._

_You guys are gonna wonder what you could've done. And the truth is, nothing. Nothing can take away the bad thoughts. Trust me, I've tried, Cath. They wouldn't shut up, they just wouldn't, and I can't do anything about it. So, by the time you read this, I'll be somewhere else. I haven't thought of where yet, but I hope you'll never have to see me hanging._

_I have one favor to ask of you though. I'm not the most religious out of us, you and Lina are. Except, Lina's going to be too shooken up so imma ask you. Could you pray for me? Actually, after I write this, I'm going to go pray to the big man myself, and ask that he let me into heaven. I know, kinda weird for me right? Considering I don't deserve forgiveness in the first place. But the thing is, if I'm in heaven, then I'll have done one thing right. And when your time comes, I'll be right there to welcome you. I'd be a new person, not the person who's a total drag and a piece of shit._

_This is getting kinda long. Are suicide letters this long? I don't know. I just know I'm gonna miss you. Anyway, please ask Him to forgive me. To let me into Heaven. You know this stuff better than me, so do what you must. That's all I ask of you. Well, almost._

_I hope you can forgive me one last time._

_Your not really close but still really close friend,_

_Anne <3_


	3. Chapter 3

Jane always was protective of Edward. Everyone knew that. Some people just gotta go and be b*tches about the entire thing and push her buttons.

**Did you know that he didn't give a sh*t about you?**

The silver queen's hand shakes. _H-he didn't?_

**Edward was a terrible king.**

Droplets start to form in the corners of her eyes. _I shouldn't be reading this. But I've got to._

**If Jane Seymour didn't die, Henry would've gotten bored of her.**

She can feel the streams of water fall down her cheek.

**She would've been a terrible mother if she had stayed alive.**

_Would I have? Am I really that much of a failure?_ The third queen looks back at her phone, only to find it had died. _Just like I did huh?_ Jane, not knowing what else to do, curls up into a ball and cries. She doesn't want to bother the others about her problems. Yes, she had been open in the past, but it only felt like she was being weak, or annoying as it did happen often. 

It's even a line in the show. _That's not because I was scared, or naive, or weak._ She was supposed to be set in stone, firm, not letting outsider deter her from herself. 

Jane feels relieved when Catherine asks everyone to prepare for showtime. _Something that'll take my mind off of everything._ She gets ready and is the second one downstairs per usual, as Anne, surprisingly, is usually the first.

On normal circumstances, it's not uncommon for Jane to sound extremely sad during her song. However, she never breaks down as much as she is right now.

" _Soon I'll h-have to go. I-I'll never see h-him grow. But I hope m-my s-son will know. He'll never be a-alone._" Jane doesn't even realize how much she's crying until she gets to the climax. She starts riffing with a bit more force than she usually does, and her voice starts to break at the sobs that have been waiting to get out.

During the fight scene, the motherly queen snaps a little more than she acts with. It sounds like an actual snap from the queen, and not the loud voice she acts with on other show days. She does something she hasn't done before. When the queens start to argue over each other and it gets to the screaming, Jane actually pulls Kat's hair. That hadn't been blocked in before, and the victim of the hair pulling screams louder than normal, mostly out of shock, as the actual pulling wasn't that hard.

Stagedoor isn't that much better. Although she had expected fans to comment on her slightly odd performance tonight, but she hadn't fully prepared to be fully interrogated on the matter.

"Ms. Seymour, why was your performance so strange tonight?" _I don't really want to answer that..._ Jane is about to turn down the question politely when the man continues. "Could it be perhaps because today is the death of your only son, Edward; whom you never and I quote 'never see him grow'?" Jane is speechless. _You couldn't be anymore polite or sensitive?_ "Not that it would matter anyway, Henry would've gotten bored of you soon enough. He would've gotten rid of you and you'd never see your son again. Shame. He wasn't that good of a king anyway."

"Listen mister." To her right, Anna can tell she's losing her cool--though her expression is relatively neutral, her voice is icy. "I don't mean to be rude, but _no one_ talks about _my_ son that way. So what if he didn't help out England as much as Elizabeth. He still rule as king until the end of his life. He was crowned at _nine years old._ How many people can say that their child has done that? Yes, I didn't get to see all of that. Yes, I couldn't be there for him because of f*cking childbed fever. But that doesn't give _you_ the right to say those things. And in the most insensitive way possible! How much more sh*tty could you get?" No one expected Jane to snap, much less cuss in front of all these people. The crowd goes silent.

"We're very sorry everyone. We're all going to head home. Thank you for coming to see the show!" Anna announces, saving the awkwardness.

The car ride home is a lot quieter then it normally would be. Jane had also snapped in the dressing room, again catching everyone off guard. Honestly, Jane would prefer the silence over Catherine trying to talk to her.

"This isn't like you. What's gotten into you?" The silver queen doesn't respond. She only stares out the window until they reach the house. Once the car is parked, Jane is the first one out. She makes it up to her room as fast as she can walk, not wanting to run and seem like she's upset. Although, she very much is. Once she reaches the safety of her bedroom, she closes the door and curls up on her bed.

_A mistake. Those aren't allowed. I'm not supposed to snap like that. I've disappointed all the queens. And Edward. Edward would be so disappointed in me. What if I fought harder? I know I died of disease but still. If had stayed alive. Maybe my son wouldn't have died at such a young age. He was just starting his life when death took him away. He was only a child when he had to rule England. 9 years old. Imagine the pressure. If I had stayed alive I could've prevented that. I know I could've. Let him live a childhood where he's running free. Not trying to keep the citizens from rioting._

A knock. Jane keeps quiet. _Maybe if I stay quiet they'll leave me alone._

"Jane?" _Anna._ "Jane, I'm coming in, love." Anna's the only one that walks in, which the silver queen is thankful for. The fourth queens sits on the bed next to Jane and the third snuggles on close, still not saying a word. There’s a comfortable silence that Jane would prefer, but she knows that that’s not what’s going to happen. “Well, I’m not letting the guy anywhere near you.” The third queen gives a small smile it’s barely seen, still keeping quiet. “Is today really Ed’s death day?” A nod.

”Yes.”

”You want to talk about it?” A moment.

”Yes. But I don’t want to bother you.” Anna takes note of the short answers that her girlfriend is giving her.

”I don’t think that’s possible. You could never bother me, love. You should put yourself first sometimes. You deserve it.” Jane takes a breath, snuggling even closer to the queen next to her.

"I don't want to believe it, but everything that the man said was correct." _Don't remind me of him, I'm already this close to finding where he lives._ Anna thinks to herself. "I never got to see Edward grow up. I never got to see him be king." Jane starts to sob into Anna's shoulder. "Henry _would_ have gotten bored of me sooner or later, and I would be separated from Ed anyway. As for his ruling, I don't know what he did, but it must've not mattered if people think he wasn't a good king."

"Jane? Look at me, Liebling." The teary queen looks up at her comforter, as the latter wipes away the droplets. "Whether or not that was true, Edward was a great kid. It is sad he died at a such a young age, but even if you were there, he died of sickness. You can't do anything to change that." The silver queen looks down at her lap. _I suppose that’s true..._ “Look at me.” She does as she’s told. “You did all you could do. If you did stay alive, bad things still could’ve happened. I mean, that’s life, right?”

”I guess.”

”Hey.” The other hums in response. “You don’t have to worry. I don’t have any experience with children, but you can talk with Catherine, or Anne, or even Cath. Cath died from childbed as well, actually.”

”Really?”

”Yeah. I’m sure they’d be better at consoling you if it’s about Ed. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t come to me or even little Kat. Okay?” The queen smiles and nods. “Glad to see you smiling meine Liebe.” Jane leans in, Anna meeting her halfway. Upon pulling away, Jane snuggles back into her girlfriend’s arms. 

“Ich liebe dich.” Anna chuckles at Jane’s German, and presses a kiss to her temple.

”Ich liebe dich auch.”

* * *

_My loving mum,_

_God knows I’m going to miss calling you that. Speaking of the big man, I really really hope he's gonna let me into Heaven. Then I'll have done something_ _right._

_Mum, you're always there for everyone when they need comforting (I mean, unless someone got there first heh), but very rarely do you let us take care of you. I want to ask that you let them. I ~~feel~~ know that you're going to be in great shock. And, it's going to feel like losing a child.....again... But I don't want you to worry! Please don't worry about me! If you must take care of anyone, take care of Kat. Please. She's strong, yes, but it's going to hit her really really hard. Not that it's not going to hit all of you hard, cuz i know it will. God, what am I saying? Just, support each other, aight? _

_Uh okay next thing. None of this was your fault alright? It's all me. I was a shitty person in my past life. So I'm a shitty person in this life. (p.s. I hope you won't mind the cussing I'm venting) You couldn't have done anything to help me. The voices....they're really loud. I can shut them up for a period of time before they come back. I mean like, Six: the musical? That made me happy. I was happy. But all good things must come to an end. And bad things shouldn't even exist. And so, I killed myself._

_Or maybe I'm on the verge of dying by the time you read this. I don't know honestly. Don't bother trying to find me. I'm probably somewhere far off hanging from something. I'm still figuring stuff out. But what I do know? You're all better off without me._

_Just.....thank you, actually. I'm sure you've "adopted" Kat and I to take care of us like you couldn't do for Edward. I'm sorry. Truly I am. I'm going to miss you. Thank you for being that mom friend :P_

_And for the sake of all those times I fucked things up, I hope you can forgive me one last time._

_Your friend that you've kinda adopted,_

_Anne <3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liebling—darling  
> meine Liebe—my love  
> ich liebe dich—i love you  
> ich liebe dich auch—i love you too


	4. Chapter 4

If you were to ask any of the queens who are the two troublemakers of the group, they'd automatically point you towards the two Anne's. If trouble's ensuing, you'll most likely find the red and green queens there. In the case of pranking, you'll always find those two working together, one of the very few exceptions being a certain Aralyn vs Parrward (somewhat) vs Clevemour prank war.

They didn't have any connections during their past life whatsoever. The closest would be Elizabeth, but Anna hadn't developed a noteworthy relationship with the kids as much. So, it had initially been strange to see Anne and Anna click as buds.

That however is upon first glance. If you knew either of them personally, you would recognize the amount of energy both of them had. For Anne, it came from chaos, for Anna, it came from confidence. Needless to say, it's actually pretty obvious why they're friends. The two nuisances actually figured out what prank annoys them all the most.

For Catherine, it's powder balloons.

For Anne, it's that face paint that's really really hard to get off.

For Jane, it's literally anything to do with water.

For Anna, it's the surprise boxes--probably "trauma" from the Ship Prank War™

For Kat, it's when things are glued to the table.

For Cath, it's plastic wrap.

What Anne would say is the difference between the two, is that she frequents the specified pranks for the specific queens. Whereas Anna would rather avoid them to not annoy them too much. In this case, that supports Anne's statement in saying she's the most annoying. And although it does support the statement, it doesn't prove a significant argument in saying that the queens would rather she leave than be pranked again. 

Unfortunately, this is what Anne's voices told her. She doesn't want to believe them, but the voices are so frequent that she can't help but think again. "Would they really be happier without me?" was just one of the many questions that crossed Anne's mind. And sadly, this is what causes Anne to spiral into a confusing bit of depression.

* * *

_My buddy Anna,_

_I seriously don't know how you're going to react to this you can be so unpredictable. Wow, um, okay. So.......I killed myself. And it's not your fault._

_Listen, I don't want you storming into Heaven (assuming God accepts my request) scaring the shit out of me and beating me up (verbally. you're too nice) for killing myself alright? Hear me out. Voices are a piece of shit. You're going to try and empathize like you do for all of us, but trust me, you'll never know how painful it is. I hope you never do._

_But if you must empathize to heal, here are just some examples of what the piece of shit in my head has said (and bc i know ur gonna say it, no it is not a SQUIP):_

> _All of your friends have helped you and you've done nothing in return._
> 
> _You think that they've forgiven you, but they just say that to make you feel better. They actually hate you._
> 
> _You're an ugly slut who doesn't deserve to live._

_Of course, that's not all of it, but I couldn't possibly write all them down. Then this would be way way way too long. But don't beat yourself up if you can't understand. The last thing I want is for any of you to get hurt._

_I'm going to trust you with this next part because I already asked Cath a favor. Please get rid of my cutters. Yes, I cut myself. But I don't want anyone finding them and getting ideas. Especially not Lina and Kat. At all costs don't let them see. But yeah, please get rid of them. My cutters that is. Don't get rid of Lina and Kat. I want you all to support each other._

_You guys are going to be much happier without me. But I can't help but miss every single one of you._

_I hope you can forgive me one last time_

_Your past partner in crime,_

_Anne <3_


	5. Chapter 5

Kat does love her costume, no doubt about it. She was so excited when she first put it on, it looked amazing. The only part she hates about it are the burning stares of men that come to watch the show. 

She can feel the way their eyes trail her the curves of her body, her legs, as much as she hates to admit, her ass, and she expects it. The costume is revealing (not that that bothers her) and she is good-looking. Of course she gets stares.

Some people just don't understand the concept of personal space.

The stares seem to burn more than usual. Perhaps it's her instincts telling her something bad is going to happen. Nevertheless, the gut feeling goes ignored.

However, during All You Wanna Do, the lights seem brighter than usual. For the first time while performing her song, she feels a slight tingle across her neck. _That hasn't happened before._ Again, it goes ignored until she starts singing about Thomas's betrayal. She looks out towards the seats, and she sees four dark figures in the aisles of the house. She doesn't have to see their faces to know who they are.

_Why am I seeing them now? Why is this show day so different? What's wrong with me?_

" _The only thing, the only thing, the ONLY thing you wanna do is. *kiss, squeal*_ " She looks up at the ceiling like she normally does, but real tears are slowly falling down her face. She isn't pretending to cry. The pink queen wipes them away, knowing that no one will question her, as it is completely in character and looks like it's part of the show.

The rest of the show? Fine. Stagedoor? Fine. Leaving the theatre to get home? .......What now?

The youngest queen exits the theatre through the 'stagedoor' door, as it's her turn to take out the trash. She throws the trash bag into the dumpster, then picks up the items that had fallen out of her hands. As she bends down, a whistle is heard. It's no ordinary whistle at that either. Kat could recognize that sound no problem. It hadn't been an issue in her past life because of her young age and lack of understanding, but she's 21 now. She understands cat-calling plenty.

Not knowing what to do, Kat ignores it, throwing away the remaining items and preparing to head to the front--where the other queens are. However, when she turns around, she comes face to face with a man in all black. _That's......comforting._ The sarcastic thought crosses her mind. The fifth queen attempts to resolve the encounter professionally, taking a step back.

"I'm sorry sir, stagedoor is over. I'm afraid you'll have to come back some other time." Despite Kat wanting and acting to put some space in between them, the man takes a step towards her. _Please move back. Please go away. Please._

"Now, now, now, that's not very polite, wouldn't you like to get closer with your biggest fan?" Nothing about the man's tone is polite. The entire interaction causes Kat's neck to tingle again. _Please go away. Please._

"I'm very sorry sir, I have somewhere to be." Just as she moves to the side to walk past him, he grabs her wrist. _Please._

"Leaving is not a good idea." Kat tries to pull away but to her misfortune, the man smashes their lips together.

The pink queen's neck is on fire and she squirms and squeals--anything to get her away from this crazy dude. In her peripheral vision, flashes of the men who had abused her in her past life. _Manox. Francis. Henry. Thomas. Manox. Francis. Henry. Thomas._ The flashes get fast enough that they're not flashing anymore, but rather visions. _The same smirks. My same fear. Their same satisfaction. I hate it. Get me out of here! Out! OUT! PLEASE!_

"GET THE F*** AWAY FROM HER!" The fifth queen hears someone bursting through the door, running towards the two of them, and smacking the man so hard her falls to the concrete. The person turns to the youngest. "Kitten? Did he hurt you?" _Cathy. Cathy's safe. Am I safe now?_

"I-I-I......Cathy?" At Cath's nod of confirmation, the youngest queen runs to the safety of her girlfriend. "Cathy...am I safe?" Both queens are embracing each other tightly.

"Yes, Kitten. You're safe now. I'm make sure of it." She looks at the unconscious body on the ground. "Can you tell me what he did to you?"

"In a bit." The blue queen nods in understanding, proceeding to rub the pink queen's back. They stay that way for a while until Kat is ready to proceed. "I'm good now." Cath hums, not releasing her protective hold on the quaking queen, and overall cueing the other to continue talking. "I thought it was just another cat-call, but then h-he got really really close to me. When I t-tried to walk away, h-he grabbed m-my wrist a-and forced me to kiss h-him. I-I don't know what happened after that. I was too f-focused o-on th-the four....you know who."

The last queen now looks at the unconscious man in disgust. _Why would anyone think that assault is a good idea?_ The queen thinks. _He triggered really bad memories._

"Hey." The younger queen looks up at the older, wiping away her tears. "Thank you for telling me. But, I think we should tell the others. This is serious." Kat looks down at her feet before nodding.

"You'll come with me?"

"Of course, Kitty." The two walk around the building to where the other very worried queens are.

"Cathy?" The other hums in response. "Is it going to happen again?" Cath takes Kat's hand in hers.

"I'll do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't. Alright?" A nod. _As long as you're here, I'm safe._

"I love you." Before turning the corner to where the others are, Cath presses a kiss to Kat's lips.

"I love you too."

* * *

_My baby cousin KitKat,_

_You're going to be the most shocked, hurt, and possibly angriest to receive a letter from me. When you first find out, you're going to direct your anger and sadness towards me. But knowing you, you're going to start blaming yourself later on. I beg of you, don't blame yourself. Direct everything towards me because God knows I deserve it._

_I can't even begin to describe how much this hurts. It hurts more, the closer I am to the actual doing. Hurting more and more with each letter I write. And it's for my own pathetic well being. You guys are going to be so much happier without me, I doubt you'll even care if I write letters or not._

_If you must know "why", then I'll tell you: to get silence._

_Everyday I wake up, the voices are there. No matter how hard I try, KitKat. I swear, I've tried so hard to shut them out. I was happy. I really was. Then they had to sneak on back into my head. Freak. Slut. Ugly. Annoying. Bitch. And that's just the minimum._

_I know that you struggle with things, and everyone else has helped you. And me? I haven't done anything useful. I haven't comforted you the same way Jane, or Cath, or Anna, or Lina (all of them now that I think about it) have. I've done nothing to help you, or anyone. And I feel guilty. Guilty that you guys help me, and I don't help back._

_I've caused so many problems that you guys end up cleaning up. Cleaning up my problems. You shouldn't have to worry about me. You really shouldn't. I shouldn't be a burden to you. Because that's all I am. Right now that is. And soon I won't be._

_Don't go out looking for me. You're the last person I want seeing my body. I don't know how hanging works exactly, so I don't know if there'll be blood. Either way, you shouldn't be seeing me. (so whoever gets put in charge of the funeral, tell them closed casket)_

_I guess that's it KitKat. ~~I love you now and forever. Wait, that's going to hurt you more lemme just...~~_

_I hope you can forgive me one last time._

_Your older cousin and friend,_

_Anne <3_


	6. Chapter 6

_My dear Catalina,_

_I have no idea if you're going to read this right after receiving it. But what I do know is that when you do, it's going to hit. I'm gone. There's nothing you can do. It was meant to be this way. Or, at least that's what they've been telling me._

_Who? The voices. I started to call them the lizard-spiders. Because lizards are disgusting if there's one in your house, and spiders always show up when you least expect them. But the main part of it? You can't get rid of them. No matter what._ _Just when you think you've gotten a hold of them, and you're happy and carefree, they show up again._

_Do you get what I'm saying here? I want silence. These voices are, forgive my language, fucking annoying. They're mean. And cruel. And to be fair, I didn't believe them at first. But the repetition? That's when I start to second-guess myself. That's when it starts to get to me._

_"Huh, I actually am really annoying." or "Huh, maybe the other queens really don't like me." or the one that hits the hardest: "Maybe Catherine hasn't forgiven me and faked her entire confession just to toy with you. And she only calls you her girlfriend because she enjoys how much you buy into it."_

_It sucks man. And then there's the whole: "You haven't done anything to help the other queens" thing. You all help to take care of me, and what have I done in return? Nothing. But it's not your fault. Not in the slightest alright? It's all me._

_My love, I know you're going to say: "People who kill themselves don't make it to Heaven." But hear me out. I've actually been praying--or more like begging--for him to let me in. That way when your time comes, I can welcome you with open arms. Show you the ropes. Actually do something good for once in my life.  
_

_A lot of this is repeated in the other's letters, but I saved writing for you the last. Because as much as I love the others, it's going to hurt saying goodbye to you the most._

_Lina, when I first saw you in court, I thought you were the most beautiful being in all the land. I never intended to move in with you (and I know you hated every single second of it), but let me just say that I learned so much about you that I admire. Strong, respected, powerful. Everything that I'm not._

_The first time I saw you after reincarnation, I thought the universe had done me wrong, because you were even more beautiful than in the 1500s (idk if that makes sense, but hopefully you get it). Everything I admired back then, you still were. Yet, you gained a sort of wisdom. Not only that, I also noticed the more protective side of you--defending all of us. Both things I lack._

_I'm really really really going to miss you. All of you. But mostly you. And for all the times I screwed up, or annoyed you, or was just a complete drag,_

_I hope you can forgive me one last time._

_All my love,_

_Anne <3_

_P.S. Tell the others I said goodbye, forgot to add it in._

_Bye._

* * *

If there's one thing the queens aren't, it's dense. Everyone noticed how Anne had been slightly off the past few weeks. With the way that she keeps up her energetic personality, they assumed it was just an off thing, while still worrying slightly that she hadn't been talking to them--in other words, they think it's the same as before.

All but Catherine.

Catherine has this gut feeling. She doesn't know exactly what it means, but she knows that Anne is hiding more than she shows. 

It doesn't strike the queens as surprising when Anne heads straight to her room, as she'd been doing that everyday for the past week. Something about the way that she smiled at everyone throws Catherine off. _Something's wrong._ After making a cup of tea, Catherine heads up to her room. Right before she sits on her bed however, she notices the white envelope on her bed.

Her name is written in gold. And not the name everyone calls her. The name only one person calls her. The most important person in her life. She'd let her go in the past life. She'd almost let her go in this life. And there sits the letter with her Spanish name on it. 

Catalina <3

 _Something's wrong._ Out of panic, Catherine tears open the envelope, pulling out the letter. _No. Please. Anything but that._ The golden queen gets to the third paragraph before fully realizing what it is. _No. No. No. NO. NO!_ She runs to Anne's bedroom, slamming open the door. _She's not here?! No. NO. NO!_ Catherine runs downstairs and into the living room, where everyone else is watching TV. But no Anne. The attention is now turned to the panicking queen.

"Where's Anne?"

"She said she was going for a walk. Why?" The oldest queen doesn't even respond, she just sprints out the door. _Okay. Okay. If I was Anne, and I wanted silence, where.... SH*T!!_ Catherine starts running towards the woods.

_Please Anne, I beg of you. Don't be dead. Please._

~ ~ ~

There's this woods behind the playground. The first two queens have used it as a frequent "last-minute date" sight. Yes, these dates were the ones never planned out as much, but they were the ones they ended up enjoying a lot (perhaps their favorite spot). It's always quiet. You feel like you're the only person in the world. Just, take it in.

This is where Anne goes after the others ask where she's going. _A walk._ She told them. _I'm just going for a walk._ When the others offered to go with her, she made up an excuse. _I just need some fresh air. And some alone time._ Then she walked out the door.

The green queen walks. Then picks up her pace. Then she runs. The voices are too loud. They're all jumbling up she can't pick out a single one. But she doesn't want to. She doesn't need to. Because she knows what they're all saying. They all lead to the same conclusion.

_Kill yourself. And they'll be happy. Kill yourself. And their lives will be better._

The second queen is glad that the others didn't ask about the backpack. She's glad that Catherine wasn't there to ask her about every single detail like she does. She's glad that no one has noticed the strange way she's been acting.

And now all that's left? To prepare for her death.

She walks through the woods, she's so familiar with. Right at that one weird looking tree, left at that other thing, left again at that one huge rock. There's a clearing. And on the other side, the tree she's seen in her dreams. The one where she does it. And now she will.

Knowing that she's not the best climber, she takes out the step stool that was in her very large backpack. Sets it under the branch. Takes off her backpack. Takes out the rope. A noose is tied at the end of it.

_It'd probably be easier to not hang myself. To use a different method. But it's the best way. I was beheaded in my old life. This'll be the closest thing to it._

She ties the free end to the tree. The noose is right in front of her. Her head fits through hole. She tightens the noose hard enough that it scratches at her throat. 

_It's so tight._

The rope at her neck reminds her of laying her head on the block. The way her muscles tightened in fear. She was about to die on Henry's will. This time it'll be on her own.

_It's for the best. It'll make them happy._

"ANNE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!" _Wait, I'm not ready!_ The sound of yelling shocks the green queen, causing her to knock over the stool, ultimately hanging her from the tree. Her hands instinctively grab at the rope. Her eyes fill with tears. Her vision goes blurry.

While all of this is happening she hears footsteps running toward her. _NO! GO AWAY! DON'T WATCH ME DIE!_ The same figure frantically uses the step stool to reach the knot. Before undoing the knot completely, the figure grabs onto Anne's torso to prevent her from plummeting to the ground. As soon as the rope releases contact with the second queen's neck, said queen inhales deeply.

"Anne what the f*** were you thinking?!?" The green queen doesn't even care. She's too tired. Her head plops down on the other's lap. "Answer me Anne." _Catalina?_

"I'm sorry." Is all that she can manage to get out. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Anne repeats the phrase until the older queen lays her hand on the younger's head. "I'm sorry."

"Anne. What you did.....I'll never be able to understand why you thought that was the only way. But what I do know, is that I want you alive and healthy and in my life." It's very rare for Catherine to break down. Storm out, yes. Break down? Not often. But this is the almost-death of the love of both her lives. All her walls come crumbling down. "I didn't have to read your entire letter to know what it was for."

"Lina, they won't stop. I just want them to stop. Please. They won't stop unless I do this. This is the way I'll make you happy."

"Do you think that killing yourself will make us happy?!" Catherine's voice is cross, and confused, and a bunch of other things. "Anne Millie Boleyn, losing any one of you is my worst nightmare. I can't even begin to imagine my life without one of you. My life without _you_." Tears stream down both of their faces as Anne sits up just enough to cling to Catherine's shoulders. "I let you go in my past life. I will _NOT_ let you go again." The golden queen says between sobs. "And we'll make sure you're not bothered by the 'lizard-spiders' to the point of suicide."

"Are you sure? How do you know they won't come back? They always come back, Catalina!"

"Honestly Anne, I don't. I don't know that they'll go away forever. I do know that it's not going to disappear right away. And despite that, I will stay. I will be here with you. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But I want to know when it gets really bad." The green queen sniffs.

"You won't leave?" She whimpers out.

"You are an important person in my life and I love you so much. So I won't. I will be patient. And if you need extra help, we can get you a therapist or something, I don't know how this works. But we'll do something, okay?" A pause, then the second queen shakes her head. 

"But Lina, you've done so much for me. And I haven't done anything in return. I'm a dead weight and a burden--"

"No you're not. Whenever you walk into a room the mood lightens. You're that one presence that makes everyone relax, and if you think that's not enough, there's so much more, Anne. You've been a 'daughter' for Jane, a best friend for Anna, a role model for Kat, a reminder to let loose for Cath." The darker skinned queen put her hands on the other's cheeks, making sure their gazes don't leave each other. "And a love for me. God above knows I love you so much. So much, mi amor."

"I love you too." The tears start to fall once again.

"Can we try that?" Anne thinks for a moment before nodding. Catherine brings their lips together, wanting to let her lover know that she is there, and she always will be. Upon pulling away, the first queen makes a final request. "Anne?" A hummed response. "Can you promise me that you will never try and kill yourself again?"

"Seulement pour toi, Catalina."

"Thank you."

The two kiss again, not wanting to worry about the future. Or the past. Just focus on the present. Yes, they'll have to tell the other queens. Yes, they might've gone up to their rooms and found the letters. Yes, the other four will feel a very confusing and scary range of emotions. But the first two queens don't want to worry about that. They just want to focus on each other.

And know that they are safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seulement pour toi, Catalina--only for you, Catalina

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, that's it. hope you enjoyed and that it wasn't bad! thx for reading!


End file.
